Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
