Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am one with the molecules
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
