i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
time to smoke my breakfast
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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