I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize