I'm going to jail i love you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
