uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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