lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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