Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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