And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
