I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
