they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
