official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
