you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
