Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
