This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
