Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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