I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize