it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
