idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
