Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
