Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
