God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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