I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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