I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
