He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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