Duck Duck Cougar?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
