Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
