Got a toothbrush?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Couch. On fire.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
