I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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