I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize