Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
