Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Semen is not good for contacts.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
