I bet he comes in French.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
