Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
