If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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