my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
