I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
