Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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