Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
