i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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