She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize