WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
