why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
