you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want nice things and good sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
