Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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