Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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