and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
