I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
