apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize