you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
