she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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