So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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