We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
