i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
