You made me cry and you don't even care
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
