every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
