I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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