In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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