the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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