You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
