you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
