Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
