I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
