i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just want nice things and good sex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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