Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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