Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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