I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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